Doubtful.

13 Jul

Over and over again, people ask me “What sort of position are you looking for in this organization?”

I find myself thinking hard, listing all the departments they have in my head, going through the departments and their job scopes and trying to relate myself to them. Somehow, I always say something very general for the sake of getting through that question.

Up until today, I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t really think hard enough or it’s plainly because I wasn’t meant to enter that organization or that field in particular.

People always say, do something you love and you know, that’s not even a job to you anymore.

But how much of reality can you apply to that? Can you really just do something you’re so passionate about without taking into considerations, the prospects of it in the long term and of course, how much are you going to take home every month?

Or how much your parents have hoped and expected to see of you, after years of effort and never-ending sacrifices?

Never before have I given much thought to how I would want to pursue something I’m really passionate about, up until today.

I’ve heard to recordings, watched videos and I’m even reading an article based on a true story which is 100 pages long. And after every piece of material, I feel so motivated, so determined about doing something and I’m even cracking my head, preparing myself for the coming assessment.

Why. Why do I have to doubt my choices now.

The rebel in me died off long ago, and I don’t think I want to go against my parents anymore.

But if I don’t do this now, will opportunities like these come again?

So many questions. So many doubts.

Sigh.

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