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13 Jul

Over and over again, people ask me “What sort of position are you looking for in this organization?”

I find myself thinking hard, listing all the departments they have in my head, going through the departments and their job scopes and trying to relate myself to them. Somehow, I always say something very general for the sake of getting through that question.

Up until today, I don’t know if it’s because I haven’t really think hard enough or it’s plainly because I wasn’t meant to enter that organization or that field in particular.

People always say, do something you love and you know, that’s not even a job to you anymore.

But how much of reality can you apply to that? Can you really just do something you’re so passionate about without taking into considerations, the prospects of it in the long term and of course, how much are you going to take home every month?

Or how much your parents have hoped and expected to see of you, after years of effort and never-ending sacrifices?

Never before have I given much thought to how I would want to pursue something I’m really passionate about, up until today.

I’ve heard to recordings, watched videos and I’m even reading an article based on a true story which is 100 pages long. And after every piece of material, I feel so motivated, so determined about doing something and I’m even cracking my head, preparing myself for the coming assessment.

Why. Why do I have to doubt my choices now.

The rebel in me died off long ago, and I don’t think I want to go against my parents anymore.

But if I don’t do this now, will opportunities like these come again?

So many questions. So many doubts.


Frustrated Betul!!!

7 Jul

There are so many reasons for me to be frustrated.

Reason #1: I’m still UNEMPLOYED!

9th July is special to me, not just because it has been on the headlines for weeks now, it’s because on that very day I’m officially unemployed for two months.  Two freaking months can you believe it?! For someone who’s been sending resumes out since even before she was having her exams, two months of unemployment, bumming around at home officially pronounces her as useless!


Reason #2: Interviews do not excite me anymore

I used to have a virtual countdown calendar in my head every time I get an interview. I would think of what to wear, do copies of my certificates and bind them nicely then make my mom iron my clothes nicely, study real hard on the company, current issues and everything else then tuck myself in early to get enough sleep. Now I simply take down the time and date then just forget about it until the interview’s the next day! And no, I still don’t feel excited or even nervous about it!!!

#2. Inter-whaaaa?

Reason #3: I have a to-fetch-who timetable now

Closely linked to reason #1, I am now the official driver of the house! I have a number of specific time in the day that I will have to fetch whom and settle what chores. Started out as a somewhat temporary replacement for my Dad, I think I just made it to a permanent one now. Well, this one is not so frustrating because it somehow makes me feel productive.

#3. =D

Okay so scratch reason #3,

Reason #3 (new): I am now at the Grandmaster rank in Tetris Battle

Also closely linked to Reason #1, I resort to playing games on Facebook just to pass time almost everyday! And because I’ve been playing so frequently I’ve moved up ranks in Tetris Battle till I cannot win those challengers anymore. They’re like computerized Gods of Tetris Battle (wait, are they?), they can continuously send lines after lines then make you KO then KO again. =.= And I don’t want to lose my rankings so I eventually stopped playing.

Reason #4: Running out of things to do to pass time

Because I hate losing, I stop playing. And when I don’t play, I have really nothing else to do.


Reason #5: No $$$

No work = no income = money in purse only decreases and will become zero in no time. Simplest equation to make just anyone frustrated.


Reason #6: I cannot make the hula hoop stay for more than 5 rounds.

I even resorted to the rattan hula hoop that weighs like at least a kilo or two and attempt to play with it to lose some weight. No, I do not know how to handle hula hoops and no thanks to my stupidity got myself patches of blues and blacks. But on a brighter note I feel like I at least triggered some muscles at the stomach area because it hurts like mad now whenever I use them ie. when laughing. This is what the Chinese call, ‘lo lei sui’

Reason #7: The Nokia antique died on me

Friends always say my handphone is like my heart beat. True story, I didn’t make that up myself. When my SE failed to respond, I was grateful to have a Nokia as replacement. The antique I got only had two functions that well, basically served all my needs – that is to call and SMS. And Nokia being Nokia, their keypads are something worth crediting. I had no problem SMS-ing four pages long SMS because it was so fun and easy to type with. Then one day, that antique decided to not respond to its charger and switched to its ‘Test Mode’. That was what that’s written on the display.

#6. Exact same one!

Reason #8: To write a post with pictures, I have to actually Google them

Yes, pictures from this post are all from my good friend Google. I think I’m beginning to rely on him too much now. When Dad suggested KFC for lunch because his colleagues said there was a new promotion, I Googled to confirm if there was really such a promotion immediately. But Google told me “No, don’t have” so our KFC lunch tak jadi.

This is how bored and frustrated I am now with life. I am always praying for good news but it’s always just semi-good ones – calls to tell that I’ve passed this stage, I can go to the next one instead of calls that actually offer me a permanent job. Not that I’m complaining but really, I’m just disappointed with myself.

Two months. That’s much longer than what I’ve prepared myself for.


Oh well, fingers crossed that I’ll get ONE WHOLE good news soon! 🙂


12 Jun

The thought came to me after reading Cindy’s (I make her sound like a friend of mine here but she’s famous blogger I happened to stalk almost everytime I come online. :p) post on BFF.

The question came, is a friendship measured by how frequent you guys meet? Or is there actually a balance point in between friendship and boyfriends?

Somehow I think it all comes back to the person herself, how she sees things in life. Or what sort of experience she’s been through to be able to say her thoughts on this matter.

I have a friend who now turns her attention and prioritize friends because when she was with her ex she completely ignored her friends and when that cheap bastard cheated on her, she was left alone.

I have another friend who tends to sub-consciously pamper and spoil her boyfriend because it’s been a long time since she’s had one and she thinks, ‘He’s the ONE’.

Well for me personally, I think (certain) friends come a little ahead before my boyfriend. He knows that too.

How do you just ditch friends who have been through everything with you before your Mr Right came? How do you turn them away just because he told you that’s the best thing to do?

Come on, we’re all grown ups with the ability to think, why do you need someone to tell you what to do when you already have your mom?

It makes absolutely no sense to me. If he THINKS he knows what’s best for you, why not tell him to do something about himself or go volunteer at some self-loving campaign because someone who really loves you for who you are will not tell you to change. He will support you in the things you do because it’s the mistakes that you two want to go through together. Not some decision that he claims is ‘right’.


My point is, someone who really loves you will definitely learn to love and respect people around you too. If he loves you and only you, don’t you think there are going to be difficulties in spending the rest of the days together?

And really, never take friends for granted. Just because there’s break up with boyfriends so you think they’re more important and friends… don’t exactly break up with them. Friends just drift away over time, right?


Do you really think your friends are that dumb to still let you come back after you’ve pushed them away because some random dude told you to do that? Even if they do, things will never be the same again. There’s no guarantee that there won’t be random dude number 2 who would come into your life and tell you to do the exact same thing again.

Friends are not measured by the frequency of their meet ups. Or how much the birthday present that you got for them is worth. It’s all part and parcel of the genuine care and concern that you put in when they need it most.

Work So Soon?

29 May

Many people around me know I’m done being a student (finally!) and more often than not, the question is “What’s next?”

And as always, I won’t even stop to think twice about answering them, “Work, of course.” And strangely, I’m even quite certain as to which sector I want to join. But in specific, which department is still a big question.

Thing is, I get remarks from people about me wanting to join the ‘boring working people, lifeless category of the society’ so soon. Probably because they are those who opt to go for exchange programmes, going abroad and like they always say, “See the world!”

Well, those who know me pretty well would know that I’ve never agreed much to the idea of going for student exchange programmes, unless IF AND ONLY IF they are free and highly beneficial, totally helpful in my career next time.

Major reason to me is because sometimes, it isn’t about what you WANT to do but it is about what you NEED to do.

Not that my parents have been bugging me to work, please take note of that. My mom actually urged me to sign up for any programmes that came along the way after hearing about my room mates’ experiences.

But really, I just don’t really fancy the idea that when you are supposed to be working, easing your parents’ burden you go off to a programme abroad and sometimes, the worst just happens; you in return need funding from them.

Don’t get me wrong, go on ahead with what you intend to do with your life. This post wasn’t written to indirectly (or directly) sound those who are going for exchange programmes. Yours truly merely want to put her writing skills to practice and get something off her mind.

And blogging has always been very useful in making me forgetting about something. 🙂

I totally understand the fact that everyone of us are different in our ways – we have different life ambition altogether. Totally respect that. 🙂

But oh well, if I don’t go on about criticizing you wasting your parents’ hard-earned cash and all that potential money you should’ve brought back if you haven’t gone abroad, don’t go questioning my eagerness to work. 🙂

Like I said, we have different life ambition and goals altogether.

Let’s just put it this way.

If I really want to go abroad and see the world, I’d rather go with the whole family. Quite pointless to me to go somewhere and ‘syok sendiri’ – come back tell Mom also she won’t really understand what am I talking about. 😀 

And I come from quite a big family so to get all six of us to somewhere, even just locally it’ll require some (a lot of) money. So until I get enough money to bring the whole family for a holiday, I’ll just have to work and save!

But right now, to get a job I NEED MY STUPID RESULTS!!!

So please respected staffs of the university, I beg you to faster process my results (because my lecturers are done marking) and release them online already!

Gosh, speaking of randomness I can really jump across topics. >.<

Off to dinner now. Hope everyone had a good weekend! ♥


18 May

Results fresh from the oven faculty is out. I wouldn’t say I’m devastated over it but I’m just glad it’s done and over with, officially.

Done in the sense I’m done with my degree of course. Whether or not I’m going to pursue further education, it depends on the necessity of it, really. I’m not keen of course, I had enough of studying but if there is a need for it then why not, right?

Well, I’m both happy and sad the university life is officially over.

And I am not exactly used to idea of not studying or going to classes yet, I still feel guilty if I watch the tv for too long. I would have to pause a while then only I will remember I don’t need to study anything anymore at the moment.

And of course, one thing that is definitely somewhat awkward is the idea of not going back to 3rd College anymore. 😦

I miss everything about the college, strangely. The toilets, strange insects, funny smell along the corridors, screaming neighbours and even the DM Mak Cik and Aunties.

(Mak Cik is what we call the Malay college helpers while Auntie is for the Indians. Don’t ask me why because I don’t know as well)

And I miss my room mates. 😦



Okay, just five from the picture above are my room mates but I know the whole bunch from college and they’re all awesome people! 🙂

Not forgetting the other group of people I spend half of the time in university with – my course mates.

#2. Christine, Pei Ling, myself, sayang & Meddy


Oh yes, we were all at Langkawi, sort of like a trip to celebrate our graduation. 🙂

I miss all the benefits of staying in the same college as Chai as well. Now I can no longer ‘coincidentally’ bump into him while heading to dinner. 😦

#4. 🙂

Sigh, it feels weird not having to worry about the registration for courses, which room am I getting and which notes I haven’t photostat.

But on the bright side, I’m going to be able to work already! 😀

Rhythm of LOVE!

7 May

I’ve been spamming my friends’ (and family of course) Facebook page with this video but I am still very hyped about it!

I was definitely in love with the song as soon as I heard it on the radio.

I remember asking my brother (who’s 7 years younger) who’s the singer and what’s the title because he knows all, I repeat ALL the songs on the radio!

Then I saw Plain White T’s original MV and was immediately in love with the video.

I thought I was really really at the top level of loving a song so much until my dear friend Malar posted this on my wall – Clara C & Joseph Vincent’s cover.

Super amazing! Makes me smile and dance (just a little) to the song every time I press the ‘replay’ button! ♥


5 Apr

It’s not everyday you get to bump into (mini) celebrities. 🙂

Just yesterday, I was at the Astro Star Quest Preliminary Round to support my dear friend Jason.

What I didn’t expect is to see some of the Astro family members there. Hehe!

#1. With Fyone and Stephanie!

Well I know most of the people don’t really know them but my sisters and I are big fans! Especially after they released the soundtrack of Great Day – Cai Hong De Jia (Rainbow’s Home)

I was extremely excited to see them, seriously! Though I myself have friends who have joined the Star Quest and got pretty much similar fame, I think the two of them did extra well compared to all of the rest!

The soundtrack’s one thing to be proud of obviously because they definitely pulled the song off amazingly!

If they ever release any album of their own, I would definitely buy their ORIGINAL CDs! 😀

For those who don’t know them yet, here’s the song!

Get It Right

19 Mar

Just watched Glee’s latest episode – Original Song and oh my, the songs just get better!

For some reasons I feel really moved by the song Rachel performed in the Regionals, Get It Right.

Just somehow it sort of relates to some things I’ve been encountering lately. Well, I mean every now and then people do feel like their efforts are not good enough but just somehow they want to fix things, right?

Just of recent, I suddenly feel like giving up with the things I’ve been doing since I got into the university.

Well, I’ve never thought of getting any form of appreciation in material wise but for the least, I want to at least get some sort of appreciation from people. Maybe just a simple ‘thank you’, you know.

But in return, people question why did you do it in the first place and sound like you only brought more trouble with your involvement.

And next thing you know, they start talking behind your back for all your hardwork and effort.

I really don’t think I deserve those sort of thing? I may not have contributed so much I was able to set everything right but for the least, I tried to help. I tried to assist you in ways I’m able to.

Or even you know, I tried to be a good friend and just show you the right path. But instead you think I’m trying to be possessive and controlling.

I said it once, not sure if you still remember but I advice because I care.

Think about it, I could’ve just walked away and let you continue being the naive person you are then watch you ‘hit walls’ along the way.

Perhaps sometimes ignorance is indeed bliss.

Oh wells, emo stuffs aside, GLEE IS AWESOME! ♥

And and and I just met up with my ex-work mates from HSBC during internship last year. Really glad to see everyone still being themselves. 😀

#1. Girls who used to be in the QA Team!

Seriously never thought I could meet such great helpful down to earth people in HSBC! They’re all really nice and were ready to offer a helping hand whenever you need one.  🙂

So despite the 3hours sleep since the last 48hours, I’m a happy girl!


21 Feb

“Say God allocated 10 things one should have in his life but he only managed to get 8 out of it. Though those 8 he has are of the best, he will still go on and on complaining, blaming others about not getting the remaining two.”

That was what my Dad said the other day; one of the days when his lame mode was turned off and switched to inspiring mode. ;p

It went on and on in my head and I can’t help but to agree with it.

Oh and before I start my grandmother story, this is from my point of view and experience. I understand some may have encountered complete opposite events, so do share with me if you don’t mind. 🙂

So the first thing that Dad pointed out was how most of the ones who complain most about the country are those who bring back fatter pay cheques.

They are the ones who will go on and on about how ridiculous the education system is, how their children didn’t get a scholarship, how congested the traffic is, how the grass is always greener elsewhere.

But they somehow seemed to have forgotten the fact that they are the ones who are blessed with opportunities to go abroad, thus being able to compare our humble Malaysia with advanced economies such as US, Japan or even the upcoming China.

And they are the ones who have benefited from the economy so much to be able to send their children to get away from the ‘stupid’ education system Malaysia is providing.

And most of all, they seemed to have forgotten the fact that they are the ones who went through this education the country is providing, that those syllabus are those that kept their foundations strong, to be able to proceed with tertiary education abroad.

When the government implements policies they think irrelevant, they condemn them like never before, not remembering the good side and benefits they are offered with.

But if you ask them to do something about their dissatisfaction instead of just sitting around, condemning the nation’s leaders, they will tell you that it’s not their job to do so.

And if you ask them further, they may not even be registered voters despite being around for more than 5 decades.

I mean, I really don’t understand people like that.

Why won’t they look at the bright side of things? Why won’t they count their blessings?

My Dad for example, isn’t the richest man around. Due to his profession, he gets direct effect from the various economic crisis and yet, he blames no representative from the Government for the wrong policy implemented.

He tends to look at the fact that despite all the pit holes, his girls are all accepted into local universities and are financed either with Government loans or scholarships.

I’m not trying to brag about my dad here but I just felt like letting these out just to remind people to try look on the bright side of things.

Just things in general, nothing related to politics though. I used this approach cause possibly due to the campus election happening right now, it’s the only thing I can think of.

Well, speaking of the campus election, I’m really ashamed of how it’s turned out to be. No reason why we should be on the front cover or even just in the news for that reason.

Okay, let’s not side-track. So hey, the next time you think something’s really bad, try looking at other good things that’s happened to you.

Then you’ll eventually be more contented and happy. 🙂

It’s Just Week 1!

8 Jan

It seems like it was just yesterday when I completed my last paper and was sulking quite a bit cause I didn’t do as well as I know I could.

But I moved on and enjoyed my holidays. And then university started again!

And what do you know, one week’s passed. First week’s studies was a lot on introduction so the responsibilities and stuff haven’t exactly hit yet.

But for all two and half years of my stay in the university didn’t just revolve around the academics world, I spent quite a lot of time in extra curricular. Well, that part of university and all it’s responsibility has started alright.

I signed up for Wu Shu for Pesta Tionghua this time. Not sure how am I going to do on stage but I’m enjoying the practices so far, despite getting terrible muscle aches after that.

And the best part is of course getting involved with a group of good friends. Being part of something is always better when you feel connected to the people who are involved together with you.

That is most crucial to me cause if I don’t think anyone else is on the same wave length as me, I will eventually call it quits.

Not that I’ve ever done that, but I think this is by far the furthest of the edge I’m standing on. I don’t know how long more can I tell myself things will change for the better, this is just temporary, to convince myself to continue standing where I’m at.

I guess I’m just a bit tired. Tired of doing, initiating plans after plans and not getting the appreciation that I’m worthy of after that.

Long story cut short, I hate it most when people don’t listen to me.

I will repeat myself if I think the first time you didn’t hear it was unintentional. But do it more often and I’ll just show you the finger hand the next time you ask me to repeat what I’ve said.

But I’m no quitter. And I hate to make this the first time I quit something I’m so passionate about.